LankyEXE & Knuckles Save Christmas ft Portugal The Man
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Feliz Navidad


It was a dreary Christmas Eve. There was no snow, nor clear night. It was just an unpleasant torrent of sleet raining down from the ominous clouds that passed by. Lanky Kong was at home and he felt a sickening knot in his stomach worsening more and more as time went on. He perched on the windowsill and stared at the fun that could have been.

"Why is this eve so negative?" he pondered aloud in the saddest tone he could muster. "I really do hope my fellow Kongs are having a good time, especially Eddie, since he loves snow the most out of all of us."

Lanky heard a knock on the door and directed his attention to checking out what all of the commotion was about. He held his stomach as he trudged to the lobby. He was feeling very queasy, like he was about to launch half-digested bananas at any moment. He really hoped that this would not end up as a project.

"Hello?" said Lanky weakly as he cracked open the door. Instantly, a fist launched out into his gut and jabbed him in a severely jarring manner. "Oh no!"

"Happy Christmas, son!" laughed Knuckles the Echidna. It was he who had socked the gut so harshly.

"Oh… no…" moaned Lanky, he was on the ground and a lot of bad stuff was coursing through his innards. "I'm gonna let the nanners out, Knux!"

"Oh no," said Knuckles stupidly. He quickly ran over to the kitchen and grabbed the waste basket. He held Lanky over it and Lanky did his business. After a few minutes, the chaotic tummy-blundering ceased. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"It's okay, Knuckles. You didn't know I was in a funk. I think the dreariness of the melancholy eve is getting to me."

"I have to try harder."

"Indeed, but at least now that you're here we can celebrate Christmas together!"

Knuckles frowned a long frown with intensity in his brilliant violet eyes. "Lanky… I came here for a reason."

"What?"

"Father Christmas… King K. Rool shot him with a waffle gun and now… Father Christmas is dead!"

"Oh no!"

"Oh no."

"Well, no wonder this eve is so bad! King K. Rool is trying to ruin Christmas for everyone on Kongo Bongo!"

Knuckles held his head in dismay and ran into a corner to cry his concerns away. "Lanky, what are we gonna do?"

"We need to become the Heroes of Christmas! In order to do so, we need to have three types on a single team: Speed, Power, and Flight."

"I am already the Power with my massive biceps and rock-solid abs, son!"

"Goodie. I will be the speed type because I can run on my hands faster than that stupid rabbit from Fungi Forest."

"But Lanky, there seem to only be two of us… who will be the third crusader?"

"No problem!" Lanky bounced over to his fireplace and knocked over a bust of Beethoven the Hedgehog. There was a hidden retina scanner in the bust. Lanky scanned his behind and a secret door was revealed behind the fireplace.

"PASSWORD PLEASE," buzzed the security bot guarding the door.

"He."

"ACCESS GRANTED. WELCOME BACK, MR. KONG." The bot moved aside and Lanky and Knuckles entered the secret room. Inside was a man trapped in a glass container shaped like the country of Portugal.

"How long have you been keeping that dude hostage, dude?" asked Knuckles a tad worried.

"I'm feeling like since 1966… maybe 1986," said Lanky.

The man jumped out of the bed he was sleeping in and ran up to the glass to speak with Lanky. "Father, is that you?" he asked with excited eyes.

"Indeed, Portugal. The Man. The time has come for you to shine."

"Father, your love is an abyss for my heart to eclipse."

"And now you must rise to become a Hero, my son. A Hero defined by a rebel just for kicks."

"OOH WOO!" Portugal. The Man jumped up and down clapping his hands in excitement. Lanky pushed the special button and the lad was released from his eternal cage.

"Today we save Christmas, guys!" But just as Lanky cheered this a dark aura entered his body. The negative energy of the desolate atmosphere had finally gotten the best of him it seemed. Lanky keeled over as the darkness completely consumed him.

"My deary goodness!" cried Knuckles. "The true battle is about to begin!"

Lanky was no longer whole. A callous entity had invaded his soul. He resumed to his floppy feet. His fur was now a sickly shade of burnt orange and his eyes were completely black with red pupils. His teeth were sharp and deadly. He wept tears of tomato juice, but smiled in a maniacal way.

"LankyEXE!" screeched Knuckles. He grabbed Potugal. The Man and tucked him behind his back, readying his fists for a true fight.

"Is it coming?" asked Portugal. The Man. "Is it coming? Is it coming? Is it coming?"

Knuckles could see the lad was terrified. "You thought you could defeat Christmas? By turning into a monster!?"

"I still love Christmas, foolish echidna… but if I am to save it, then I must do so with as much style and grace that I can muster."

"Blimey!"

LankyEXE laughed a horrible, gritty cackle and shot his stretchy arms out through the windows and snagged all the undelivered presents from dead Father Christmas's magic satchel. "Now we can deliver them personally."

Knuckles lowered his guard. "Well, blow me down! And shiver me timbers! It looks like it's a good villain day after all!"

"Totes, my bro," grinned LankyEXE.

"Ooh woo, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now," sang Portugal. The Man.  
"I've been feeling it since 1966, now  
Might be over now, but I feel it still!"

"That was beautiful, son…" said Lanky's soul from deep within his EXE counterpart.

The day may have started off a little bit shaky, but at least Christmas was saved thanks to the three truest Heroes of all time.

THE END


End file.
